I’m writing this letter to apologise for not treating you properly, for not wanting to spend time with you and for always speaking to you in a way that no one should ever be spoken too.
The thought of failure used to scare me into hiding from you. The fear of never being good enough led me to do anything and everything to escape spending time with you and for that I am also sorry. The poison I took and the poison I spoke; sometimes I am shocked you are still here for me.
I allowed myself to believe I didn’t deserve success and that it wasn’t good enough to just be me. I felt like giving up every day, my bed was where I felt safe especially when I was sleeping.
For all of those things I am sorry because now that I have gotten to know you I realize that you are not to be feared and that you are actually strong, capable, pretty good company and if I’m honest my best friend.
I’m sorry life kicked the shit out of you because of my actions but I promise that pain was not in vain. I will fight for you now because you are worth it. I will rise to the challenge and make you proud because now I know its possible for me to live my dreams, push the boundaries, think outside the box, break the rules, and be myself while I do it.
Now I promise to live my life with passion, power and pride. Now I realize that just because I was down on my luck it did not mean I couldn’t come back. I will do what I have to do to get to where I want to go.
Now, I’m not afraid to fail although I have many many times before. I will keep pushing myself because I now believe it’s the right thing to do. I will no longer listen to people who tell me its not possible, the people who caused me to doubt you for so long.
Realising that how much money I have in the bank, having what my peers do, being liked by the right people or being represented by the biggest and best agency in the world does not define my worth has given me more freedom and strength than ever before. Knowing that I have access all day every day to my own happiness is like being given the golden ticket.
I have already won because I can breathe with ease so
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you